UK Porn Star Is Crowdfunding His Own Dong-Shaped Coffin | Midnight Pulp
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UK Porn Star Is Crowdfunding His Own Dong-Shaped Coffin

Thompson July 20, 2018 July 20th, 2018

I think we’d all like to have more control over what happens at our funerals than circumstances usually allow us to. So as ridiculous as this story might be, we can’t blame this guy for trying.

After all, who wouldn’t want their lifeless remains to rest inside a six-foot long penis?

The backstory is thus: British porn star Johnny Rockard recently discovered fate has saddled him with an unspecified chronic lung condition. The illness could end his life at any moment, but there’s a pretty strong emphasis on the “could” in that statement, as he expects to live for at least another year or two. Nevertheless, the diagnosis forced him to consider his mortality, which brought about the genesis of this here GoFundMe campaign.

Dude did the math, and figures he’s gonna need¬†¬£5000 for the construction and storage of the huge dong in which his organs and bones and brainmeats will gradually decompose in the dirt (or possibly be incinerated). Observe the YouTube clip below, wherein Rockard goes into greater detail.

“I know there are people who will contribute to [the campaign] because they want to see the back of me, there are those who will contribute to it because it’s absolutely hilarious, and others will just contribute anyway,” Rockard predicts. As of this writing, Rockard’s GoFundMe has only received two donations, combining for a grand total of not quite $20. So, y’know, he might’ve overestimated the power of his personal brand on this deal.

Not everybody who starts a crowdfunding campaign is honest about their intentions, and Rockard’s company website looks pretty much how we’d envision a front for a sex cult recruiter. So it’s possible this is a scam, and if that’s the case, obviously it’s better if nobody sends it any more money. But if it’s not a scam and Rockard is, in fact, on the level, it would be a shame if his dream of a cock casket doesn’t come to fruition.

I suppose once the GoFundMe expires, Rockard can always give Elon Musk a call. As is my understanding, Grimes’s boyfriend lives for exactly this kind of gaudy bullshit.

 

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