As a Holiday ripe with terror, it’s really a shame there aren’t more theme-based horror films for us to binge-watch as we binge eat. I mean seriously, what could be a more terrifying plot-line than families spending time together and gorging on food until they are sick. This is real life terror people! You can’t make these things up!
Well, however under-served Thanksgiving horror films are, we’ve managed to cook up a few titles to dish out to you. So feast your eyes, because here are some of our favorite Splats-giving flicks that we are truly thankful for.
- ThanksKilling (2009)
Obviously, this the classic ‘bad’ movie that is perfect to indulge in. With it’s two incredibly introspective taglines of: “Gobble, Gobble, Motherfucker!” and “Warning!!! Boobs In The First Second!” I’m sure you are already anticipating how ingenious this film is. Also, just for perspective, the boobies in the first second aren’t just any boobs, they’re pilgrim boobs, so like…it’s clearly historically accurate. Featuring a demonic, fowl-mouthed Turkey that’s out on a murderous rampage, expect to hear some classic, quotable lines like: “I’m gonna drink your blood like cranberry sauce.” If you liked this one, be sure to check out it’s sequel ThanksKilling 3. Yes, you read that correctly, 3 and if you liked the craziness from the first installment, don’t ask questions, just put it on.
2. Blood Rage (1983)
An obscure slasher, this flick is about two twin brothers (scary start already), one of which pins the murder he committed on his sweet brother. The brother is institutionalized, while the murderous one goes scotch-free. Then, on Thanksgiving 10 years later, the framed brother escapes to exact revenge. Satisfying all the typical excessive gore and gratuitous nudity ’80s films provide, expect to see decapitations and, it wouldn’t be a proper Thanksgiving killer without it, fork violence.
3. Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake Country (1998)
Prior to the hot ‘found-footage’ trend, this made-for-TV movie was undoubtedly ahead of it’s time. It’s actually a Thanksgiving based remake of the revolutionary Dean Alioto’s 1989 found-footage film, THE MCPHERSON TAPES – he’s the American OG found footage-r. The film centers around Thanksgiving at the McPherson’s house when a mysterious black out disrupts their dinner. It’s the typical kids go out (camera in hand) to investigate and (spoiler alert) the family ends up getting abducted before they can even finish their meal plot line, but it was actually pretty innovative in it’s day. Also, note to the aliens: interrupting a dinner uninvited is PRETTY rude on this planet. But I guess in retrospect it reminds you to be thankful for getting through your family pig-out this year. Fun Fact: We all know better now, but when this movie first came out, there were a lot of believers. So much so that the Lake County sheriff actually had to release a statement that the film was fictional.
4. Home Sweet Home (1981)
Another obscure flick – surprise! This one is about an actual mental patient (not one that’s falsely accused by his brother) who escapes – surprise again – via station wagon while high on PCP. During his drive he makes a quick pit stop at the Bradley’s California ranch where they are playing host to their Friendsgiving party. While the film is the epitome of the ‘so bad it’s good’ genre, it does feature stabbings by wine bottles and a KISS fan killed by an electric guitar. How’s that for ‘dumb ways to die.’
5. Blood Freak (1972)
This “Dracula-on-drugs” movie is topped with THE PERFECT amount of cheese. This movie is about a biker who gets seduced by that evil drug marijuana. Said ‘druggie’ ends up following a girl to her families turkey farm, where after ingesting some genetically-modified turkey meat, provided by her mad scientist father, of course) he turns into a giant turkey monster. The crazed mutant has a thirst – a thirst for druggie blood (to fuel his own addiction, naturally). This blood freak, if you will, is basically a walking, squawking D.A.R.E. commercial.
6. Thanksgiving (2007)
I put this as a bonus because it’s not ACTUALLY a full movie, however it is noteworthy enough to feature in this article. Part of Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Taratino’s Grindhouse, the Eli Roth classic fake trailer is short, sweet, and crazy memorable. I mean how can you forget a man whose bloodlust stems from his father murdering his childhood sweetheart, who happened to be a turkey. I’m ready for Roth to make good on his promise to turn this pilgrim outfitted man’s journey into turkey-based terror a full feature.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING YA’LL!