A lot of people mistake the gym for a social club, and those people should be banned from exercising anywhere, forever. Nothing mucks up what’d otherwise be a perfectly refreshing, life-affirming workout than some attention-starved yaboo making a big commotion while the rest of us are just trying to get a little swoler and go about our business.
That’s what makes this story out of New Hampshire so infuriating. Multiple sources report that a 34-year-old man rolled into a New Hampshire Planet Fitness like he owned the place, and promptly ruined everyone’s workout with his stupid dong.
“He walked into the gym, stripped down at the door, then proceeded to walk back and forth a couple of times before settling in on the yoga mats,” a representative from the Plaistow, N.H. Police Department told The Boston Globe.
The naked yoga enthusiast — who’s been identified as Eric Stagno of Haverhill, MA — told police that he thought Planet Fitness was a “judgement free zone.” That’s probably a more-or-less accurate slogan, although declining to pass judgement on other people for their quirks isn’t really the same thing as giving them a free pass to disregard common sense decency and basic social conduct.
“Some of the comments some witnesses gave were that they felt uncomfortable, disgusted, sick, and unsafe,” the police rep elaborated. “There were more witnesses coming forward than we could take names.”
It’s been reported that Stagno was formally charged with indecent exposure, lewdness, and disorderly conduct, but managed to make bail. Apparently he had drug paraphernalia of some sort on his person during his arrest, although it hasn’t been specified what kind, nor do we know whether this is one of those stories that began with someone taking too much LSD, wandering across state lines, and ending up arrested at a franchise gym. (Stagno wouldn’t be the first).
We also don’t know where was he keeping the aforementioned paraphernalia, and we’d prefer not to dwell on it. ‘Cos if it was up his butt, that’s totally gross.