Even in 2017, some of us still really like the idea that our favorite clips on porn streaming sites might be the real deal. Therefore, we require the occasional reminder that porno is every bit as fake as pro wrestling. Undergraduate dormitories are rarely, if ever, overrun with nymphomania, just like Mick Foley could never actually knock out a 350-pound opponent with a sock puppet.
Recently, Vice released a fairly elaborate expose on the history and multiple applications of faux-cum in adult entertainment. Turns out a substance called “methyl cellulose” — which also doubles as ersatz saliva in some cases — gets brought in as a spunk substitute in magazine spreads and video box covers a lot of the time. Cetaphil skin care goop is also a frequent splooge replacement, although evidently it “doesn’t taste that great,” actor Johnny Sins tells the source.
And oftentimes, directors keep mechanical squirting dildos handy on set in case a male performer runs into obstacles finishing the job.
Beyond the adult film industry, there’s a niche market for faux-cum for the same reason there’s a niche market for virtually anything remotely associated with sex. Because cleaning products like Cetaphil are potentially dangerous when pushed up an actual vagina, there’s a handful of phony spunk products available for both movie sets and private home. Of course they’ve got brand names like “Kum,” “Spunk,” and “Cum Lube.”
Vice also notes that while plenty of soap and food products kinda sorta look enough like semen to work in a fetish and/or D.I.Y. adult film scenario, it’s always best to be very cautious with any foreign substance going anywhere near someone’s eyes, mouth, or other bodily orifice.
For instance, never put cocaine in your ass, or into the ass of a close acquaintance. Don’t be like Stitches. Don’t ever be like Stitches….