If you live in California, we’ve got some good news for the unemployable crystal meth addict who lives on the first floor, and terrifying news for everyone else in your building.
Gizmodo reports that a bill designed to regulate purchase and ownership of flamethrowers — introduced in light of the proliferation of Elon Musk’s $500 product dubbed “(not a) Flamethrower” — is dead as hell.
“If this is a joke, then it’s a terribly insensitive one, given that we’re coming off of the worst wildfire season in history,” wrote state Assemblyman Miguel Santiago, in reaction to the original announcement from Musk’s Boring Company. Santiago introduced the ultimately failed attempt to place some form of legal check on flamethrowers.
The bill originally declared that flamethrower ownership would require a permit, but was later watered down to simply mandate that all flamethrowers come equipped with a safety label. Even the latter version of the bill went too far for California’s gun lobby, and state reps essentially banished it to a sort of legislative limbo so they’d never have to vote on it.
In fairness to California, they’ve already got a law on the books stating that any flamethrower that shoots for more than 10 feet requires a $425 permit, which actually means the Sunshine State has the second-strictest flamethrower laws in the country! Aside from Maryland where they’re banned outright, there are almost no laws against flamethrower ownership in America at all!
So it looks like everyone who bought one of Musk’s $500 flamethrowers should be getting one in the mail no problem! Yay?! I guess?! Hopefully none of those people are batshit crazy!! But we all know if there’s one thing an insane person never wants, it’s a flamethrower.
Seriously tho, on the one hand, Boring’s flamethrowers don’t appear to have the range necessary to cause as much mayhem as, let’s say, assault rifles, so it follows that maybe they don’t warrant the same degree of regulation. On the other hand, if something terrible happens, the jokey tone of this post is gunna age real, real bad, real, real fast.
So everybody be safe with their flamethrowers! And if a big package arrives for that crystal methy guy we mentioned a few paragraphs up, make sure to steal that package before he notices that his flamethrower showed up in the mail.