XenoCat Artifacts — an Etsy shop peddling specialty sex toys — is having trouble keeping up with customer demand for its friendly fish monster-inspired dildo, according to The Wrap. On Saturday, March 3, the sculptor posted 28 more “Asset” faux-dicks for sale, and found herself pleasantly shocked to find they’d all been purchased in less than 20 minutes.
Keep in mind this was on Saturday, before anyone outside of The Academy knew Shape of Water was getting 2017’s Best Picture Oscar.
The dong’s crafter — known professionally as “Ere” — tells TheWrap that she needed only alter the colors of one of her existing molds to create the 100 percent silicon Asset cock dubbed “The Jewel of the Amazon.” (We’re assuming they can’t call it anything like “The Dick Of The Fish Guy From Shape Of Water” without getting sued by Fox Searchlight). Though she originally envisioned a limited run, Ere says making more fish monster dongs might be on her itinerary.
Evidently, her shop’s Shape of Water-related success has Ere considering putting out more movie-themed toys. She tells The Wrap a Jurassic Park dildo is definitely not on her to-do list, though other semi-human or humanoid onscreen creatures might get the official XenoCat treatment.
We’re just saying, y’know, as a suggestion, Prince Robot IV from Saga is kinda hot. But we’re all way hetero, totally macho dudes over here at Midnight Pulp, so we definitely wouldn’t have any use for an imaginary character dong unless we got bored, had a few drinks, some amyl nitrate poppers, and had nowhere important to be the next morning.