At least hundreds, potentially thousands of frozen pizzas were needlessly wasted in the aftermath of an Arkansas highway catastrophe on Wednesday.
No deaths or injuries occurred, unless you count a mortal wound suffered by the human spirit.
Vice reports that a truck shipping DiGiorno and Tombstone hassle-free dinners crashed into an overpass pillar early in the afternoon, which left Interstate 30 littered with cheesy, greasy goodness.
Cleanup efforts required a large section of the highway to remain closed for approximately four hours, according to the New York Daily News. Of course the 18-wheeler happened to overturn on a sunny day in August, which means its decimated cargo thawed and gradually started to cook on the hot concrete.
Was this the most delicious-smelling highway accident in history? Probably! There’s not much competition for that title. Highway accidents usually smell awful.
Tractor trailer crashes into overpass, sending frozen pizzas all over I-30.
Posted by THV11 on Wednesday, August 9, 2017
As is predictably evident in a report by TVH11 — originally linked to by Vice — the pizza explosion made for dire traveling circumstances. Reporter Winnie Wright observed that some drivers and passersby paused by the scene of the accident to take pictures. You can’t blame them — most of us would’ve done the same thing, because this shit was Instagram gold — but the gawking wasn’t helpful for the sanitation crews.
“It’s very slick, so this isn’t something they want people to walk or drive across. It’s very dangerous,” says Wright in the video above.
As an advocate of the five-second rule with strong feelings against wasting food, I’ve got to ask myself, “Would I eat a pizza that unfroze on a highway? And if so, would it be inhumane to suggest that others do the same? Could all this pizza have been salvaged?”
The answers to those questions are “Yes,” “Probably,” and “Sadly, no.” But this situation could’ve been much worse. Somebody could’ve gotten hurt. And instead of frozen pepperoni pizzas, the truck could’ve been filled with frozen pineapple pizzas instead.
As everyone in the world knows, people whose favorite pizza is pepperoni pizza are all goddamn philistines.